he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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