you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
