Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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