what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
