PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
