the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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