That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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