my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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