We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize