I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
