i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
