I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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