i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
