I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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