You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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