Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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