I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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