If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
