I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
