it hurts more in the daytime
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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