She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The uberlube is also flammable
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
