Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
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