Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
