i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i love accidental penises.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
