Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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