I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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