:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
