sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize