So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
