Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
