I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
