Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Randomize
