After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?