All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
