counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
