i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
