When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
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