Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
