somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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