When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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