just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
