I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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