I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he thought i was a dude.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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