I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she told me i tasted like america
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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