Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
