my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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