Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
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We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
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mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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