sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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