Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
