bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
