May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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