Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
