im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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