Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
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Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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