Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
