he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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