So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
