my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
