His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just gift wrapped bread.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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