Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
