Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My penis needs a shock collar
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
