Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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