I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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