so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Congratulations! We have a period
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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