My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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