We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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