Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
