I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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