So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
