Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize